Humbling Moments: How to Find Joy in the Battle for Control

Motherhood has a funny way of stripping us of any illusion of control we thought we had. And if you have independent kids like mine—a kindergartner and a preschooler—you know exactly what I mean. These little humans, full of personality and their own ideas, insist on doing things their way. Every. Single. Day.

For me, it’s a daily battle between wanting things to go smoothly and done efficiently (errr okay, let’s be real… my way) and learning to let go. I want to be the calm, in-control mom who guides them effortlessly through their routines. But most days, I find myself humbled—realizing that in this season of independence, I have a choice: battle for control or find joy in letting go.

Now, let me be clear, letting go does not mean giving in to chaos or letting them act out like feral animals. It’s not about abandoning boundaries or letting them run wild. It’s about choosing which battles to fight and allowing them the space to make mistakes within the limits we’ve set as parents. I’m still guiding them, but I’m learning to pick my battles carefully, giving them the room to grow while still redirecting them as needed.

The Control Struggle is Real

If I’m honest, it’s tough — like really tough. When my preschooler insists on buckling the 3-point car seat harness all by himself while we are already running late (that turns into a full blown meltdown if I help to speed things up) or my kindergartner wants to create art by collecting every leaf, flower, weed, rock, and acorn (seriously, you should see our growing collection of items she brings home daily), there’s a part of me that wants to jump in and shut it down. My mind immediately goes into fix it mode: What’s the fastest way to get through this? or How can I convince them to do it differently? 

But here’s the thing I’ve learned—the more I try to control every little detail, the more frustrated I become. And the joy of being their mama? It fades into the background, buried under frustration and impatience.

I’m reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6, which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Instead of trying to fix everything, I’m learning to trust that God is guiding our path, even when things don’t look exactly how I envisioned.

The Humbling Part

In these moments, I’m reminded that motherhood isn’t about perfect control. It’s about nurturing their independence, their curiosity, and yes, even their stubbornness. Every time I step back and let them figure things out—even when it takes longer or isn’t done exactly how I’d like—I’m humbled. I’m reminded that this is about them growing, not me having everything perfectly in order.

That’s where the real growth happens—when I’m willing to embrace the messy, the slower pace, and the reality that they’re not mini-adults, but children learning to navigate the world in their own way.

James 4:10 encourages us to “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” It’s a powerful reminder that in surrendering control and embracing humility, we grow in ways that ultimately strengthen our relationship with God—and our children.

Finding Joy in Letting Go

The beauty in all of this? When I finally let go of my expectations, surrender control, and allow my kids to be kids, I see joy. Not just in them, but in me, too.

There’s something freeing about stepping back and watching them proudly put on their shoes (even if they are sometimes on the wrong feet) or get their own cups of water from the fridge (even when it spills). They’re learning resilience. They’re gaining confidence. And I’m learning to delight in their progress, even when it’s not perfect.

In those moments, I’m reminded of a bigger picture—that motherhood isn’t about me always being in control. It’s about guiding, encouraging, and sometimes simply being present while they figure things out.

Leaning on God’s Grace

I’ll be honest, I don’t always get this right. Most days, I still struggle with the urge to step in and fix everything. But when I find myself overwhelmed with that need for control, I’m learning to pause, take a deep breath, and lean into God’s grace. He reminds me that my children are a gift—not projects to be perfected, but little souls to be nurtured and stewarded well. 

So, I surrender. Again and again. And in that surrender, I find peace. I find joy. I find a deeper connection with my kids as they blossom into their own unique selves.

Embracing the Mess

There’s something beautiful about embracing the mess of motherhood—both literally and figuratively. Our days might be filled with shoes on the wrong feet, wild and un-brushed hair, and meals that are anything but Pinterest-worthy, but there’s joy in the midst of it all.

I’m learning to let go of my need for control, to stop battling for perfection, and to embrace the beauty of raising independent, strong-willed kids. Because in the end, it’s not about having everything perfectly in place—it’s about finding joy in the journey, trusting that God is guiding our steps, and knowing that these moments of surrender are where the real growth happens.

So, if you’re like me, battling the need for control while raising independent little humans, I want to remind you that it’s okay to loosen your grip. It’s okay to embrace the mess. And it’s okay to find joy in the beautiful, humbling, imperfect journey of motherhood.

Here’s a question for you, mama:

Have you ever had a moment where you’ve had to let go of control as a mom, and if so, how has it changed your perspective?

joyFULLY mama,

Kenna

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PSS. Need more encouragement in your motherhood journey? Check out some of my other blog posts here!